Before I could get the napkins and donuts arranged, Ms. Hermiony stepped into our Interview Room and took a look around.
Welcome, Miss Granny, or shall I call you Hermiony? Please enjoy these donuts and a fresh pot of Boneyard Coffee. I’m happy you stopped by our Interview Room. Are you glad to be out of the freezing Minnesota wind for a while?
GRANNY: Hello Missy. No, call me Granny. Do you know what happens to people who call me Hermiony? Well, I won’t tell you, don’t want to scare you. Freezing Minnesota wind? Hm, ice has a price, and if you’re not nice we’ll put you on ice. I kind of like the freeze. I don’t need a mirror to see what the wind is doing to my hair when I’m outside, I can just look at the reflection in the ice. You know what they say about wind; the wind blows cold so you don’t get old. Did you say donuts? With sprinkles? Ooh Boneyard Coffee, my favorite.
Yes, please do help yourself. So, Ms. Granny, if you could meet a character from another book, who would it be and why?
GRANNY: Actually I have to get a little gory here. I would like to meet Dillon Savich and Lacey Sherlock from Catherine Coulter’s FBI Series. I realize they are above my league but I could learn so much from them in catching crooks. They deal with the hard core and I deal with the soft Tricky Travis Trawlers of the world. I need to be prepared in case the Tricky Travises get out of control in Fuchsia. I know you asked me about a book, but ask me about TV. I would love to meet Flo from Alice. She and I would bond, and she would make a good partner. And she’s got red hair like Gram Gramstead. We could be trouble. Then of course there is Robert Redford. I always wanted to meet Robert but don’t tell Franklin. I must be partial to redheads.
(There is an interesting section all about Robert Redford in author Julie Seedorf’s ‘Something About Nothing.’)
What were some of the jobs you’ve had over the last twenty years. Your favorite?
GRANNY: Ya know I raised my kids up in the way they should go and they went. Don’t tell them, but while I was raising them up I took a little side job that no one knew about. It was my favorite job. It changed every day. I never knew who I was when I went to work. I never knew who I was when I came home from work. It was that kind of job. In fact, I don’t even know what the name of the job was. Come to think of it, I don’t think they ever paid me. Well, don’t tell my kids what kind of a job I had. And don’t tell anyone I told you about the type of work I did. It’s a secret. They might come after me because I told someone. Wait, maybe you should tell someone. If they come after me I collect my wages. Go ahead tell everyone, but don’t tell my kids.
Granny, I think you need another cup of coffee. Or maybe you’ve had enough and I should put this mug in the sink. I’ve been wanting to know, who is your best friend?
GRANNY: I have to say Mrs. Bleaty my goat and then probably Mavis. Mrs. Bleaty really gets my goat but she’s pretty good at listening. She bleats back the answers I need. She inspires me. She gets along with almost anyone except I wish she’d dump that bird Radish. Radish is a thief so Mrs. Bleaty isn’t a very good judge of character. And then there is Mavis. She understands me. Occasionally she’s a little skittish about following my plans but once she gets in the groove she grooves and moves right along with me. She’s up for anything if I don’t tell her what we’re going to do.
Aside from solving the next murder in your town, what is your five-year goal?
GRANNY: Oh, that’s a tough one. Do you know how old I will be in five years? I suppose one of my goals should be to stay out of the hoosegow and the wrinkle farm, but actually I do have a big goal. I want to open a donut and chocolate factory. I’d have a new weapon always at my fingertips, a vat of chocolate. Fuchsia could be the modern version of Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. Have you ever taken a bath in melted chocolate?
Not yet. I wonder, if you could ask your author what scenario or plot twist you’d like to untangle, what would it be?
GRANNY: She’s hopeless. Have you ever tried to follow her mind? She’s here, she’s there and then she takes me somewhere different than what she told me. She puts me in danger, me, an old woman. She always seems to have me ending up underground. I would like her to take me above ground, maybe finding a dead body all dressed up and ready to parachute out of a plane. I nudge a parachutist that it is his turn to go ahead of me. When I nudge the dead body, he falls out of the plane from my nudge taking me with him. Did I tell you I was afraid of heights?
We know you have a relationship with Franklin, but isn’t there a little something going on with Silas? I think he has a thing for you. What are you going to do about it?
GRANNY: Silas who? Oh that ornery, crotchety, owner of Radish that has a jailbird for a son who tried to kill me. That old coot that lives across the street from me? I don’t think I know who you are talking about. Have you seen my car? It’s missing along with my snowmobile.
(I know Granny is dodging this one because in her last episode, there was, indeed, something going on and I mean to find out. Let me know if you find out before me.) Ahem, what do you miss the most about being young?
GRANNY: Did young die?
What do you most look forward to in your life that you haven’t told anyone else? C’mon, it’s just us here. What’s your secret wish?
GRANNY: I look forward to every day. Each day is new. It is as if we have a new start. A do over. If we did something yesterday that we regret, we can find a way to start over and do it differently today. It might be repairing a relationship or eating less donuts. . In case you noticed I have a lot of secrets that I don’t tell my kids. Don’t want them to worry. My secret wish is that at the end of my life, my kids will be proud of how I lived my life. Finally after all of these years being true to who I am, a little crotchety, a little strange, strong willed. I want to have taught them finally in my later years how to age well. Age isn’t a number, it is a state of mind. I want my daughters to say, “I am just like my mom and proud of it.” I want my sons to say, “I learned from the best.” I want them to remember in spite of my craziness that I loved all and I loved them best.
Miss Granny, we thank you so very much for traveling to meet with us. Yes, please do take the rest of those donuts with you!
Thanks for having me. You know how to get the dirt from me by plying me with donuts and coffee. Take care, don’t be a bear, you’re really nice, I won’t put you on ice. Toodles.
And with that, Ms. Granny delivered a sweet smile, a suspicious wink, and left me holding an empty plate, a fondness for red sneakers, and more questions about her and that Silas character. To find out more about the Author, Julie Seedorf, and get the inside scoop on Granny-isms, visit Sprinkled Notes.